The Brahmaviharas:

Compassion (Karuna)

Part 2 – The Gift of Listening
>>Also see Part 1: Bearing Witness

by Reishin Denise Leong

“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said,
people will forget what you did,
but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
– Maya Angelou

The Brahma Viharas, also called the Four Immeasurables or the four Divine Abodes, are the mental states where Enlightened beings abide. For us not-yet-Enlightened beings, they are the aspirations and attitudes we hope to have and to hold in our daily lives.

The Four Brahma Viharas are loving kindness (metta), compassion (karuna), sympathetic joy (mudita), and equanimity (upekkha).

Compassion (Karuna) – Part 2

Being a compassionate presence to suffering requires that we bear witness with equanimity, but before we can respond with wise and skillful action, we must first HEAR the other person.

One of the most beautiful gifts someone can offer a person who is suffering is to simply listen with an open mind and heart without judgment, but how often do we hear responses that invalidate or devalue what was said, such as

“I know exactly how you feel.”
“At least, it’s a good cancer.”
“It could be worse.”
“Don’t cry.”
“You should __________” (fill in the blank)

The truth is we don’t need to fix everything or have all the answers. People simply want to be heard, understood, affirmed, and accepted so they can make sense of what is happening to them. When we listen compassionately and generously, people feel validated, valued, respected, and loved. Our presence and attentiveness can empower them to find their own path to healing.

Do you recall when someone truly listened to you? How did they do that? How did that make you feel?

In the resources that follow, you will find wonderful ways to listen more deeply to what is being said and what is not being said! Learn how to identify and explore the feelings beneath the words. Find out about our filters blocking the messages being sent. Appreciate again the preciousness of silence which often speaks volumes. Practice listening like we practice meditation – have a one-pointed focus (the other person) and an awareness to bring yourself back to point when you start to drift away or your mind starts to chatter.

Learn how to listen deeply.

This may not sound like glamorous or rigorous Zen, but the simple yet profound act of deep listening can shine a light in the darkness of suffering, giving gifts of support, kindness, and acceptance to those in distress.

And now the answer to the million dollar question about wise, compassionate action:
What do I do or say?

If you listen deeply with an open heart, you will know.