The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeing new landscapes
but in having new eyes.
– Marcel Proust
by Monshin Kathy Mitchell
Groundhog Day is a tradition of predicting further winter by whether or not an actual groundhog emerges and sees its own shadow. The movie “Groundhog Day” is about a person being stuck in a time loop that forces him to relive the same day over and over until he develops insight about the shadows of his character, finally breaking free from dysfunctional, limiting patterns.
In the movie, Phil (played by Bill Murray) accomplishes this shadow work through repetitions until his insights cause him to revamp his reactions and relationships. His friends and loved ones are, in turn, so delighted with the new Phil that he is loved, esteemed, embraced. Of course, the happy ending.
If only!
No matter how deep and illusive my shadow states are,
I vow to experience and enlighten them all.
You may have found that the real work of befriending our shadows and giving them a “right” perspective is often a very different course. Amorphous as shadows are, it is a rare gift when our shadows are screamingly clear…..well, at least to us.
They were, after all, inherited or created for good purpose or at least the best we could come up with at the time. We may start our work to enlighten our shadows, but our clarity is often muddied by justifications, rationalizations, confusing context, others’ view of us, fear of shame, and on and on.
“Everything I’ve let go of has claw marks all over it.” This saying from David Foster Wallace’s Infinite Jest has always resonated with me and everyone I have ever shared it with. We are all clinging to our avalanche.
Enlightening our shadows, like all enlightenment, is not a place where we achieve a finish line but an opportunity to change our relationships with what we have and who we are. A lifelong remodeling project. To do the work fearlessly, we have to start from the ground of really believing in our basic goodness. Not just in mental concepts. but in our hearts and bodies. We are stardust and gold, buried sometimes under armor and rubble.
Can we remain grounded in that knowledge as we investigate all the subtle ways that our habitual shadows sneak into our everyday functioning? We often avoid this work because it is destabilizing to our ego, our sense of self. We get stuck in the fact that all this time our armor did not protect or make us perfect. We can feel vulnerable, embarrassed, inadequate, foolish.
But the more willing we are to look, the more we see.
Can we do this with compassion, humor, surprise? Trusting our Buddha nature, can we feel the freedom of not being limited to our tired and limited patterns? The adventure of not knowing?
Along the way, in the company of good sangha and teachers, we might find it becomes more natural to open up and let go. Or we have to be hit over the head. Usually a combination of both. We also find that sincere meditation practice increases our ability to sit with EVERYTHING.
As a former therapist, this was my most important realization. Until we can experience awareness from real stability, everything else is a strategy that works halfway, only in episodic moments. Here but not there.
Like Phil, the more awareness we build, the more we are able to awaken with ever-increasing capacity in each moment to enlighten and enrich our lives.
Enjoy the adventure!
