Easily seen are the faults of others,
Hard indeed to see are one’s own….
—The Dhammapada

While there may be valid and important reasons to give criticism, at the core of it, we are finding fault with another, wishing the situations or people to be different from what they are. There are many points of practice here – exploring our motivations, judgments, attachment, non-acceptance, duality, suffering, separation, and greed (I want!).

When a criticism arises in you, a pause to reflect on the above would be highly recommended before reacting. One point of reflection which I have also embraced is holding up the mirror.

There’s a saying someone shared with me once: “If you can spot it, you got it.”

So, for instance, when I am critical of others’ mistakes, before I rant, I remind myself of the many mistakes I make in my life on a daily basis. And suddenly, I feel a softening because they are just like me; I am just like them. We share our humanity which comes in a variety of flawed packages.

The good news – when we are critical, it opens a door to see we have been knocking from the inside (Rumi)! We can oftentimes learn many things about ourselves from the so-called faults of others – facing our judgments, realizing our deep interconnection, exploring humility. When we pause to experience greater equanimity and compassion, we can offer (or not) a suggestion to others with discernment, care, and skillful means.

“Mind your own business” were parting words that Jun Po once said at a sesshin years ago. I finally get the joke.

For more exploration

Facing the Mirror – Ayya Khema 

Speaking of the Faults of Others – Venerable Thubten Chodron

On Being a Zen Jerk – Cristina Moon

Taming the Urge to Criticize Through Wise Reflection – Tara Anand

How to Give Kind Criticism and Avoid Being Critical – Leo Babauta

The Buddhist Guide to Gossip – Roshi Nancy Mujo Baker